3-Word Wisdom 5: Celebrate your children

Hubby and I always knew we wanted to have children. As eager as we were to start our family, he was in law school and my teaching career was just beginning - parenthood was placed on the back burner. Yet we did find ways to get our kid fix. We frequently borrowed our siblings’ kids and enjoyed the easy part of parenting. Aunt Paula and Uncle Hubby were fun to visit. Trips to Disneyland, the zoo and SeaWorld, with happy little rent-a-children on their best behavior - and returnable to their parents before any end-of-day meltdowns. How difficult could parenthood be? We were so naive!

Three years into our adventure, our son was born. He was perfect in every way. Hubby and I were smitten, and – we thought – prepared for our new role. Needless to say, we had A LOT to learn! Nearly three years later, our precious daughter entered the world, and our family was complete. After years of baseball (him), ballet (her) and battles (them!), our adult "children" are now charting their own courses. Sibling conflicts are the stuff of great stories among son and daughter, who are now the best of friends. Hubby and I are looking forward to the grandparent experience, and from all reports, it is grand!

It sounds cliché, but kids really do grow up much too quickly. To those of you in the throes of child-rearing, savor the moments – even the messy, tearful, tantrum-filled ones. All too soon, you will be waxing nostalgic about those all-nighters spent walking your colicky baby. Mercifully, those memories will evoke the love you felt for that little bundle - and mellow the frustration that consumed you all those years ago.

My wish was for my grown children has been to experience the love that their father and I have. Thankfully, both are in loving relationships, and we have a wedding to celebrate next year when son and his beautiful fiancé say their I-do’s. We are still celebrating our children – our two most important accomplishments!



The Family 1985



Through the years

 Beautiful daughter in love

Wonderful son and fiance

3-Word Wisdom 4: Defy your gravity

It’s only four days into my personal March Madness and I am experiencing my first case of writers block. Yikes! Today, my “30 blog posts in 30 days” commitment reminds me of the difficult days after dedicating myself to a new exercise regimen at the gym. By day four, I'm sore – all over – and staying in bed instead of facing the weights is oh, so enticing. Yet the personal reward of having triumphed over the “I quit” and “I can’t” negativity is a powerful force that seems to make the subsequent weak moments easier to overcome.

So here goes - my 3-Word Wisdom for today….

Defy Your Gravity

If you love Broadway musicals as much as I do, you may know the origin of this phrase. It is the defining moment in the musical, Wicked. Take a minute to listen to the Tony Award performance. Elphaba recognizes that she has a power within, and that no one – not even the Wizard - is going to bring her down. I get goosebumps every time!

I had to giggle when I applied today’s wisdom literally – staring in the mirror at the effects of gravity on my almost-60 body. I’ll admit that I am self-absorbed enough to long for a wizard to work his magic and somehow levitate certain “parts” to their earlier positions! For now, I am defying this gravity in true Wizard of Oz fashion - with smoke and mirrors (aka Spanx and Wonderbras)!

Today’s wisdom is actually a personal mantra for me. I am feeling the weight of disappointment right now. I have experienced some personal defeats lately that I am trying to overcome. Thankfully, hubby and children are here for me. The Penguins understand. I have to find a way to defy the gravity that has been pulling me down. And like Elphaba, I am going to fly!  Where’s my green paint and broomstick?

There. I did it. I pushed through the pain of writer’s block and succeeded in my Day 4 post. The words didn’t flow as magically as they had in my earlier posts, but it has been exceedingly satisfying. Dare I say it?  I defied my gravity – and NOTHING is ever going to bring ME down!

Defying gravity - ready for zip lining in Maui.

3-Word Wisdom 3: Nurture loving relationships

It is no secret that I am completely and hopelessly in love with my husband. My earlier post told the story of our 42 years together, including nearly 37 years of marriage. We are both keenly aware that we are blessed to have found our lifelong partners so early in our lives.

“What is the secret to your success?” I get this question from time to time, usually from young people who are still seeking “the one” – or from couples who are new to the adventure, and seem to be in awe that hubby and I are still so happy together after so many years! Such queries have led me to ask myself what has contributed to our marital longevity.

Here is our “recipe”:

• We nurture both our passion and our friendship. Hubby and I spent the first 2 ½ years of our relationship as friends. Our love for each other blossomed as our friendship deepened. He is my very best friend – and the one who still makes my heart flutter.
• We laugh – a lot! Nothing breaks the tension of a tense moment or a temporary him vs. her standoff than the ability to laugh at the situation.
• We compromise. One plus one quite often equals two – opinions, solutions, perspectives. We recognize the give and take of our marriage, and always try to find a mutually acceptable middle ground.         
• We trust each other – and make sure that we are worthy of that trust.
• We communicate. This requires the ability express our feelings – the good, the bad and the ugly - without making accusations. It is not always perfect, yet we both believe in our relationship strongly enough to engage in the sometimes difficult conversations.
• We celebrate each other’s triumphs, and offer comfort and compassion when it is needed.

No marriage is trouble-free, and I have to admit that our wedded bliss has been interrupted by occasional wedded blizzards. During these stormy times, it feels as if our marriage engine is not running on all cylinders. Something is off. Communication is stilted. Our relationship feels mechanical. It’s just not fun. Yet, during these temporary break-downs in our ability to connect, the love between us is unwavering. We value our partnership enough to invest in the hard work necessary to weather the occasional marital storm. Remarkably, we have hit only a few potholes along the way – and our relationship has always grown stronger in the aftermath.

Today’s 3-Word Wisdom – Nurture loving relationships. When you find your true love, be willing to do the work. Savor the bliss and be prepared for an occasional blizzard. Trust, communicate, compromise, celebrate, comfort, laugh, and enjoy the journey with your lover – your best friend.

Honeymoon 1974. Our adventure begins.

36 years and counting. Looking forward to the next 36!

3-Word Wisdom 2: Write a letter

We hosted a family reunion a few years ago. For most of us, it had been nearly 40 years since we had seen each other, and for many it was their first introduction to our extended family. It was a glorious weekend of reacquainting and reminiscing.

Of particular interest were the assortment of letters, dating as far back as the 1920’s, penned in our late relative’s elegant cursive - lovingly signed, and dutifully mailed. Throughout the weekend, everyone took some time to read the letters -my grandfather’s letter to my aunt, sharing the tragic news of my uncle's death on the beaches of Normandy in 1944. Another aunt offering the details of her beautiful daughter’s first steps. My then 10 year-old uncle writing a letter to his parents in South Dakota, letting them know that all was well in Canada – his “foster” home with an aunt - during a brutal flu epidemic. On these brittle and yellowed pages were the family history and special moments that carried our pioneer ancestors through the best and the worst of times. This wasn’t a history book – it was our family experiencing everyday life in historic times. Powerful. Touching. Funny. Real.

As she read her ancestor’s personal history, one of my “tween” great-nieces commented that she would never have anything like this to share with her offspring. In that moment the reality of her emailed, texted, Facebooked and Tweeted world set in. Cyberspace had efficiently delivered her news, yet there was no record of it – simply a delete button.

I will admit that my collection of family letters and photos needs some TLC. When I retire, I will organize the contents of the boxes that clutter my closets. Perhaps the same great-niece who was so fascinated with their contents will bring them into the 21^st century by scanning them into some sort of family eBook! Don't get me wrong - I am all for progress. I embrace the ease with which we can stay electronically connected - yet I also cherish the memories that reading a piece handwritten communication can evoke.

3-Word Wisdom of the day – Write a Letter.
Buy some beautiful stationery, and send a handwritten letter to someone special. Take your time. Express yourself thoughtfully and make an effort to show the recipient how much you care. Check your spelling the old fashioned way – with a dictionary. Address your envelope with love and care. Affix a stamp and find yourself a mailbox. Keep in mind that you will not receive the immediate gratification of an instant reply, but enjoy the satisfaction of knowing what your written word may mean to its recipient. Don’t let the art of letter writing be lost on the next generation.

3-Word Wisdom 1: Forget "If-only's"

It's March 1, and my thirty days to sixty countdown begins.  As The Birthday lurks, I find myself doing a lot of self-reflection - sometimes healthy, occasionally depressing, and at times, embarrassingly trivial – am I too old to shop at a store called Forever 21? Is the Olay Regenerist really taking years off as promised, or is my presbyopic eyesight simply - and thankfully - blurring the wrinkles? Occasionally I come down with a serious case of the “if only’s” – if only I had stayed in the teaching profession until retirement...if only I had applied sunblock every day of my life…if only I had actually used my gym membership! Hey life, can I get a do-over?

My birthday present to me is a beautifully wrapped gift of self-acceptance. I forgive myself for what I did not accomplish before 60. The choices I made and the paths I took have all contributed to my 60 year adventure. For better or worse, this is Paula, letting go of the shoulda-woulda-coulda’s!

While I can’t change my past, I have opted to play my experienced, "super adult" card - sharing some of my sage advice to the young-‘uns – in three word phrases. My 30 in 30 Toward 60 will be a daily dose of 3-Word Wisdom. I hope my “followers” (I still blush at that reference!) enjoy my daily musings. They will likely vary in length, and while not all may strike a chord with you, I hope at least a few give you pause to reflect on your journey. Here we go.....

Little Paula Marie begins her journey - 1951

30 in 30 Toward 60

We celebrated my nephew’s Big 4-0 this weekend. Among the guests were some wonderful extended family members who had gathered for the special occasion. As we celebrated nephew’s milestone, my pending Big Day became a topic of discussion. I discovered that there were those beyond my immediate family who were actually reading – and anxiously awaiting - my next post. Yes, I have a very small but dedicated blog following!

This blog business has been so personally satisfying. The frustrated writer in me is finding immense pleasure in putting thoughts into words, reflecting on the wonderfulness and lessons of my life. Having the nerve to hit the “Publish” button has been a challenge, yet hearing that others have enjoyed my shared missives has been a surprisingly gratifying reward. My inner Sally Field is exclaiming, “You like me, you really like me”!

What to write next? With my Big Day just a month away on March 30, I have decided to offer thirty posts in thirty days. March 1^st will be my kick-off. I’ll admit that I am feeling some pressure. While the content of earlier posts has magically flowed from my head to my fingertips, I may be setting myself up for deadline driven writer’s block. To my kind followers, thank you in advance for

reading. Wish me luck. Ready, set......

Officiating Nephew's wedding in 2005

Nephew and proud aunt, 2010

Who Are Your Penguins?

It began with a Christmas gift from one friend to three others about 15 years ago. Matching pins – each one a sterling silver penguin with abalone inlay. This was a step up from our usual gift exchange of decorative lemon zesters and scented candles, and it begged the question – did I miss the memo about the increased gift price limit?



The Pin

I wasn’t alone in my surprise. Three of the four of us were feeling a bit guilty about our presents soon to be opened – cute cocktail napkins, festive cheese spreaders, and gingerbread man coffee mugs!  Our friend had some explaining to do, but first she had one more gift to bestow– in a red silk pouch. The last gift was another pin – this one a group of three penguins – in stunning black coral and mother of pearl. With this pin came the story that has bonded us for years, and has seen us through the most challenging moments of our lives.

Why penguins? Our friend had done her research. In Emperor penguin society, huddling is a survival method. In the frigid arctic winters, penguins form tight groups to protect each other and to conserve body heat. The penguins constantly maneuver themselves from the outside to the inside of the huddle in order for each to have the warmth and protection necessary to conserve energy and avoid starvation or death. The individual penguin pins would become beautiful additions to our personal jewelry collections, but the three-penguin pin would belong to all of us – its next keeper to be determined by whoever currently had the pin in her possession. In our friendship foursome, the Penguin Pin would be symbolic of our “huddle” – if you received it, you knew that whatever challenge you were facing, your penguins were with you, in a huddle, keeping you warm and safe and loved.

I have a particular fondness for my penguin pals, because in this circle I am the baby penguin – P4 – and P1, P2, and P3 are going out of their way to welcome me into their decade! Our huddle has protected every one of us at some time over the years since P1’s original gift was shared. There is no meeting of the minds or timeline to determine when and to whom The Pin should be passed. We penguins know when someone is in need of being in the center of the huddle, and over the years The Pin has been with each one of us when we needed it the most. The Pin spent the better part of 2010 with P3 – huddling with her as she fought her battle with breast cancer. The Pin saw her through lumpectomies, mastectomies and chemo. If one of the penguins was not physically with P3 during her battle, our symbolic huddle never left her side.

There are also times when The Pin celebrates some of the best penguin moments. When P2 and her husband celebrated their 40^th anniversary with a renewal of their wedding vows, we offered to be her bridesmaids (as the baby penguin, I volunteered to be the flower girl). After lots of wine and laughter, we assured P2 that we would opt for a less obvious inclusion in the ceremony, and presented her with The Pin. We pinned it to her bouquet and “walked” down the aisle with her. It is one of my favorite penguin memories.

In January, after my first blog post admitting my struggles with turning 60, my penguins and I huddled over more wine – another method we use to keep warm – and I confided some of my fears, my regrets and my lowest moments that had taken me to that dark place I mentioned in my earlier post. I realized that I had felt like the penguin on the outer fringe of the huddle, shivering in the cold, fearing my future. Thankfully I had shaken off the negativity and was ready to embrace 60 – which, they reminded me, was not a death sentence! Not long afterward, I found the unmistakable red silk pouch on my dresser. There it was. The Pin. P3 was on her way to recovery and she had quietly passed the huddle to P4 – the penguins had my back.

One benefit of super adulthood is the wealth of memories you can savor - experiences shared with the most important people in your life. My circle of extraordinary friends and family extends beyond The Penguins, and I can not imagine this journey that has been my life without them sharing it with me. To those of you who haven’t already done so, celebrate the penguins in your life. Keep them close, treasure them, and be there when they need warmth, love and support. Thank you family, friends and my penguins - you are a magnificent huddle!

Junior Penguins



Colorful Penguins



Playful Penguins