3-Word Wisdom 6: Keep family connected

We celebrated great-niece’s 18^th birthday yesterday. It inspired today’s 3-Word Wisdom: Keep family connected. Whoever and wherever your family is, take time to share special moments.  

Great-niece’s mother is my sister’s youngest daughter. Before you try and navigate my family tree, let me provide a few details.

I was an “uh-oh” baby. My then forty-something year old parents had not intended to bring another child into the world – with a 14 year old daughter and 19 year old son, mom and dad had nurtured their young family through The Depression and World War II. They were beginning to see the light at the end of their childrearing tunnel. Then along came Paula, and their journey as parents continued.

Brother and Sister married early, and little Paula became Aunt Paula at the ripe old age of five. My first nieces and nephews were age-appropriate substitute siblings during my childhood. I would eventually be Aunt Paula to my brother’s brood of three, and my sister’s gaggle of four. Sunday dinners, picnics at the park and holiday gatherings kept us connected. Yet my late entry into the family left some of the family “secrets” off my radar – for many, many years. It would not be until my parents’ and sister’s death that the story would be retold….

Sister’s firstborn was conceived when she was sixteen and unwed. The 1950’s version of 16 and Pregnant wasn’t an exploitative TV reality show. Instead it was masked in shame and secrecy. Frightened young girls were sent to “homes” to finish out their very visible months of childbearing, and their newborns were whisked from them upon delivery - into the arms of their adoptive parents. One family’s unbridled joy was another new mother’s unimaginable sorrow and shame. I was a two-year old toddler during this chapter of our family history. No photos or family letters in those boxes I mentioned earlier recount the tale. My brother had been in the army and was kept minimally informed. That was how it was done back then.

My sister eventually married the father of her firstborn. Together they had four more children and lost another, born prematurely. Divorce ended their marriage, and my sister struggled to support her children. A tragic accident took her son when he was in his 30’s and cancer eventually claimed my sister’s life when she was 58. Hers was never an easy journey, but through it all she loved her children unconditionally, and silently suffered her shame and sorrow of her first “lost” son.

It was during Sister’s last year that she revealed his existence to her three daughters. Her searches had always led to dead ends. She had sketchy information at best, yet before she died, she wanted to meet the boy she had given up. Sadly, that did not happen – and her daughters promised Sister on her deathbed that they would continue the search. They had another full biological brother out there – somewhere. And like their mother, their efforts to find him were futile.

Sister is sorely missed by us all - especially by her girls who keep their mother’s memory alive for their children with photos and stories of Grandma. She had been gone eight years when, on a summer night in 2003, one of her daughters got the call. A woman was calling on behalf of her husband. She politely asked a couple of questions – “Was your mother’s name ___? Was your father ___?” In that instant my niece knew. “Are you calling about my brother?” It was him! He had found his family in less than three days of investigating. Needless to say, the tears flowed and we joyously welcomed Sister’s first born into our – and now his family. I hosted a “Meet Your Family” reunion, and can still hear my sister’s unmistakable laughter in that room. She never met her firstborn, but she was with us that day to welcome him to our family.  

It was Sister’s youngest granddaughter who celebrated her 18^th birthday this weekend. She was too young to remember Grandma, but she knows the stories. Sister’s firstborn was there with his family as well – he lived only 15 miles from us all those years – and whenever I am with her family, I can feel Sister there too - at peace, with her other two heavenly sons – sharing the joy of wonderful family moments. Keeping us connected.

Im memory of my sister, Janet 1936 - 1995

Dad, Sister, Mom, Baby Paula, and Brother 1951

Celebrating new-found family 2003

Proud Aunt Paula! Nieces with their new Big Brother