3-Word Wisdom 30 - Enjoy each decade

I made it! I am 60 today– and guess what? It didn’t hurt a bit. I allowed myself to fret over this birthday – 60 happens, folks – and putting my feelings into words helped me to better understand myself. I am powerless over the number, yet I am in control of the contents of my life. I am determined to make my 60’s the best they can be.

How am I celebrating the actual date of my birth? I’m going to Disneyland!  Hubby and I had our second official date there back in 1971, and we still feel like kids in love at the happiest place on earth. For those who think it is utter foolishness for a pair of 60 year olds to traipse – sans children - around a theme park, let me offer my “Disneyland Metaphor for Life”. Strap on your mouse ears and let’s take a decade-by-decade tour of the magic kingdom…

Fantasyland is our magical childhood, where we “believe” with innocent, wide-eyed wonderment. We are dragon slayers and princesses (Hubby may argue that I still am!), and imagine flying like Peter Pan - protected from the scariest of villains by our corps of valiant heroes - and we find pure glee in the spin of a teacup!

Tomorrowland represents our turbulent teens when we look forward to our birthdays  - not for the year they represent - but for their marker toward what lies ahead...our adulthood and freedom! We are thrill seekers and dreamers – in a constant state of flux, like the dips and curves of Space Mountain. We drive the Autopia cars and imagine ourselves behind the wheel of our first set of wheels. During these years we question if tomorrow will ever come.

Welcome to Adventureland and our twenties. The world is our playground. We are choosing our own adventure – making our own decisions - beginning to take college and work seriously and realizing that the years of contemplating, “What will I be when I grow up?”, now requires a decision! Lifelong friendships and relationships are made, and we entertain thoughts of starting our own families. Our Jungle Cruise twenties offer lots of humor, a few waterfalls, and a wild night – or two! 

Our 30’s mark our visit to Frontierland – and for many, the new frontier of raising children. Parenthood is life's most important career. I am astonished that, as much as we prepare for every other aspect of adulthood, we enter our child-rearing days with very little knowledge on the subject. Kids don’t come with an instruction book – simply pre-charged batteries that never run out of energy. We are Davey Crockett charting a completely new territory, and our musket and ‘coon skin caps have been traded in for binkies and baby strollers.

We spend our 40’s in New Orleans Square. The kids have taken over our home, and the pantry has been pillaged -we are living with the Pirates of the Caribbean! We have morphed into our parents, and the kids are sure that we have no clue what it is like to be a teenager! We now worry about their curfews, and are careful not to let them know what we did in our youth because, God forbid, they may figure out that we are indeed human. We may need a drink now and then to survive their tests of independence – drink up me hearties, yo ho!

It’s time to enjoy our satisfied 50’s on good old Main Street – the kids are grown, our nest is empty and we find ourselves waxing nostalgic. We are once again in the favor of our children who actually ask for our advice! Life is filled with great memories of days gone by. Thankfully our minds mask all of the child-rearing drama beneath a lovely veil – even the trying moments are magically transformed into treasured memories.

Where will our 60's take us? I am looking forward to finding out! Hubby and I will ring in our next decade by reconnecting with our inner children – recalling visits with our nieces, nephews, and our children. Like Peter Pan, there is a part of us that never wants to grow up. We will immerse ourselves in unadulterated fun – and return tomorrow to reality and all that truly matters – with our unwavering commitment to making the world a better place. 

My final 3-word wisdom: Enjoy every decade. Life is a wonderful adventure - an "E-Ticket" ride filled with thrilling - and unexpected - twists and turns. Allow yourself to experience all that life has to offer.

Thank you all for taking this ride with me. Your comments, feedback and well-wishes have made my journey to 60 a treasured gift, and I am forever grateful for having you in my life. I survived "The 60's" of my youth - here's to living my 60's of super adulthood!

With sincere gratitude,

Paula

3-Word Wisdom 29: Seek your wisdom

With just two posts left to complete my “30 posts in 30 days toward 60” challenge, I am sad to be saying goodbye to my daily writing engagements with my laptop. When I began my “blog therapy” in January, I had no idea where it would take me - I was behind the wheel with no GPS directing me. I allowed myself to think (a lot!) about my life. In reading my posts I have confirmed what, in my heart, I already knew:

• I cherish my family and friends
• I need to love myself for who I am
• Each experience of my life – even the difficult ones - has contributed to the person I am
• I am happiest when giving back 

Writing has always helped me deal with my innermost feelings, and sharing my thoughts and experience with others helped me wrap my head around my birthday milestone and all of the anxiety that I had allowed myself to feel. My 3-Word Wisdom project was my way of pushing myself to look inwardly on a daily basis, and as it wraps up I feel a wonderful sense of accomplishment. I have tackled some very personal subject matter and shared a few never-before-told stories, and it has been liberating to “write out loud”.  My wisdom is just that – mine. Sharing it with you has been my personal journey of discovery. This has been Paula – unplugged!

Today’s 3-word wisdom. Seek your wisdom. Each of us has a lifetime of experiences – good, bad, and sometimes painful. Take time to reflect on your life and ask yourself how your journey has been shaped by the choices you have made and the people you have encountered. Let your self-discovery provide enlightenment into the person you are, and be honest with yourself – are you the person you want to be? By getting in touch with your personal wisdom, you will have an inner compass to help you through life’s best – and worst - moments. Here’s to your best life. I already have mine!

Here's to 60, and what life has in store!

3-Word Wisdom 28: Make a difference

Wow. The Big Day is now just 36 hours away. After the extravanganza of this past weekend, it is going to be rather anticlimactic! Hubby and I have made plans to do something special, and I am wondering what I will be doing with myself in the days afterward, when I wrap up my 3-word wisdom project. I have loved writing, and I like to think that there are more words in me. Maybe I will take a writing class and actually study the craft!

As I approach the end of my 30 posts in 30 days challenge, I have to make sure that I have shared the wisdom that is most important to me. It has taken me until the last hours of day 28 to get started with today’s thoughts, so I will have to keep this one short. Please don’t let the brevity in any way diminish its value. My wisdom can be best summed up in a quote by Anne Frank: “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”

Today’s 3-word wisdom. Make a difference. Find your cause, identify your passion, and start today. Offer something of yourself that will make the world a better place. It is the greatest gift you have to offer - and the satisfaction is immeasurable. How are you making a difference?

3-Word Wisdom: Savor life's surprises

I am still in shock. Daughter, Son, Family and Friends were gathering at our house yesterday while we spent a carefully plotted diversionary trip to the wine country. As we made our way home and turned the corner onto our street, the sight was surreal - it took my breath away. There, lining each side of our very long driveway were over one hundred people to welcome us. SURPRISE!! Hubby and I arrived home from our fabulous wine tasting day to a surprise 60^th birthday party. A band played the Beatles Birthday Song – our family’s traditional birthday anthem. Caterers were cooking and a bartender was pouring drinks. Banquet tables, chairs, balloons, banners, and canopy shelters– a last minute necessity due to some uncooperative weather - filled the back yard. The home we had left in the morning had been transformed into a magnificent party venue, thanks to our wonderful children and the family and friends they enlisted to help.

Everyone asked, “Were you surprised?” Completely. Utterly. Totally. I did not want a party when Daughter asked about having some people over next weekend. We had plans for a future night out with the kids and that sounded perfect. Besides, I felt that people were really over my Big Day after so much self-indulgent blogging. Little did I know what had been in the works for months!

I was stunned, as was Hubby, who was also kept completely in the dark. This was OUR 60^th birthday party. We laughed and cried, hugged and danced - and apparently our neighbors called to police - at 8:00 pm - because we were making too much noise! It took 60 years to have someone call the cops on me – I am officially rowdy! 

I am still trying to wrap my head around the entire night, letting it all sink in. Photos were being taken and I am looking forward to reliving the night - it was all quite a blur! I want to say something profound to describe the sheer joy and gratitude I feel for the people who have filled my heart with love, but it will take some time to find the words. Thank you is not enough, but for now, it’s all I've got! This is Paula – Speechless.

Today’s 3-word Wisdom - Savor life’s surprises. We spend the majority of our life carefully planning and executing our days. If you are the recipient of an unexpected kindness – no matter how large or small – enjoy the surprise. And remember to say thank you – even when you are left speechless.




Friend & family gauntlet awaits our arrival

If only you could see our faces from inside the car!

Daughter looks relieved to have pulled of such a surprise!

3-Word Wisdom 26: Enjoy life's detours

This is it. I have officially proclaimed today as the beginning of my birthday “week”! I am putting on a cute new pair of boots, my skinny jeans and a great top, and we are headed off to the wine country with friends today to get my party started. If I had a birthday hat and noisemaker, I would announce to the world that this is Paula at 60! Let the fun begin!

For those of you who have been kind enough to follow my blog from its inception, you can clearly see that I am in a much better frame of mind about this milestone than I was back in January. I have to say that the act of sharing some deeply personal stories and innermost feelings has helped me get in touch with Super Adult Paula – and guess what – I really like her! She is fun to be around. She is so appreciative of the love and support of her friends and family. She is proud of the life she has led, and is determined to continue to make a difference in the world. She is dancing her way into the next decade. Super Adult Paula is a really great broad!

Spending the past three months in my self-absorbed blogosphere was, in effect, my prescription for dealing with some serious negativity that had invaded my usually upbeat nature.Writing required me to think hard about the person I am, the life I have led, and the path that I want to take for the remainder of my days. My meltdown was a small bump in the road – and if left unchecked, could have taken me dangerously off course - but I persevered. Now it’s time to rock my 60’s! Actually, my Big Day isn't until March 30, but I am ready to be 60 NOW! I have so much to look forward to and will let all the young ‘uns know what the view is like from from my new vantage point!

Today’s 3-word wisdom – Enjoy life’s detours. Don’t let an unexpected change in course deter you from your final destination. As long as you know where you’re headed, your inner compass will steer you in the right direction. Your detour may take you over some challenging mountains and unpaved roads, so let these be valuable lessons. You may be surprised by what you learn about yourself along the way!

Birthday girl, 1957





3-Word Wisdom 25: Share your knowledge

When my children were young, I did my best to provide thoughtful answers their relentless questions. I was a teacher after all, and I prided myself on having an explanation for every inquiry they threw my way. When Daughter questioned the spelling of her name – others with the same name used the customary spelling – I managed to convince her that hers was the phonetically correct version, and her like-named friends were the victims of an unfortunate misspelling. I loved the challenge of providing an answer to their queries, and in time was regarded by the kids and their friends as the 80’s and 90’s’s equivalent of Wikipedia. Thankfully their questions were usually not math related, and I was masterful at deflecting the unanswerable ones by redirecting them with a question of my own…. “Why to you think the ocean water is blue in Hawaii and green in California?” I was good!

Of course, even the best and the brightest - and those of us who pretend we are - have a few gaps in our information stores. Occasionally I was at a loss to provide an acceptable response to one of Son or Daughter’s questions. I needed an escape clause, and I came up with the perfect disclaimer. I declared that there were "17 things" that I didn’t know. From that point forward, when their question had me stumped, the kids were delighted. “That’s one of the 17 things!” they would exclaim. What followed were great moments of discovery as we shared the joy of learning something new - together. The kids relished the opportunity to uncover one of the 17 things, and with such a random number, I managed to retain my dignity – and my title as the uber-super-answer mom - long enough to survive the Childhood Inquisition. Of course, as they each reached the age of seventeen, Son and Daughter concluded that I actually knew nothing. I can now confirm that understanding the psyche of teenagers is definitely one of the 17 things that I did not know!

My now adult children still come to Hubby and me with questions – about life, love and careers. They no longer need answers, but thankfully, they value our perspective. They are charting their own courses now, and I cherish our conversations. If they ask me a question, I will share my knowledge and experience – but not necessarily an answer - that is now up to them.

Today’s 3-word wisdom: Share your knowledge. Life is filled with teachable moments, and each of us is an educator. Cherish the inquisitive children in your life and help them discover the wonders of the world around them.

Daughter and Son, when they thought Mom knew everything!

3-Word Wisdom 24: Adopt a pet

Hubby and I are dog people. My wedding dowry was my dog, a yellow lab mix that I named Kitty. Hubby, Kitty and I were a happy family of three, and when Son and Daughter came into the world, she was their attentive guardian and loyal playmate. Kitty went to dog heaven 12 years later, and it took only three weeks before we had another pet in our lives. Our Golden Retrievers Katie, Spencer, Tracy and Bear eventually joined the family, and shared all of our special moments over the years. As each one crossed their rainbow bridge, we tearfully said our goodbyes, gently stroking our beloved “kids” as our vet administered the injection that would release them from their suffering. When our last Golden, Tracy, left us, Hubby declared that we would not get another pet – losing them was simply too difficult.

We would remain a pet-free family for five years…..except for our neighbor’s Golden, Bogie, who became a daily visitor– and helped us through our lost pet grieving process for those years. Last year Bogie’s amazing14 year journey ended – our neighbor came to our doorstep to tearfully deliver the news - and we suddenly felt the void of being completely without the company of man’s best friend. It was time for me to confront Hubby’s no-more-dogs mandate with an ultimatum of my own….we were going to get a pet – or else! Within days, our search began. We opted to rescue a Golden Retriever, and last April we adopted Lucy, from Southern California Golden Retriever Rescue. Take a minute to watch the video of some of the dogs they recently rescued from Taiwan. If Hubby has his way, Lucy may soon have a playmate!

Lucy’s backstory is not complete, but what we do know is that she was a puppy mill breeding machine who was dumped at the pound when her puppy bearing years were over. She must have lived in a small kennel with no toys – only her puppies to mother – and no room to jump or play. She had to learn how to climb our stairs, and has no jump instinct, likely due to her confinement in cramped quarters for the first six years of her life. No amount of coaxing will entice her to hop up on the couch for a cuddle - and in hindsight this may be a blessing, considering her abundance of expendable fur! In the eleven months with us, Lucy is slowly discovering her “inner dog”. She looks forward to her walks and has a basket full of soft plush toys – her “babies”- that she nuzzles and carries from room to room. She has discovered tennis balls, but is not quite sure what to do with them once she captures one. Lucy is my constant companion, and as hard as it will be to lose her someday, Hubby and I know that in her time with us, we are giving her the life she has always deserved. We love Lucy!

Today’s 3-Word Wisdom: Adopt a pet. There so many animals in need of a loving home, and while they may not be able to tell you, their soulful eyes will convey their gratitude for your kindness. There is no greater feeling than the loving wag – or contented purr – of a rescued pet.

Our sweet rescue girl, Lucy

3-Word Wisdom 23: Ditch the doubters

The Big Day is now one week away. My “blog therapy” has been a wonderful diversion, and the feedback from family and friends is beyond gratifying. 60 is now just seven days – and seven more blog posts – away. People are asking me how I am doing as the day approaches - I am fine. I really am. After all, it’s just a number. A really BIG number! I have clearly made a lot of noise about this birthday, and am looking forward to what the family has in store to mark my "birthday week” – yep, I get an entire week of fun, thanks to Hubby, Daughter and the Penguins. This is how Paula does 60!

Yesterday on my morning walk, I let myself meet up with someone who I really don’t like. It was Doubting Paula, and she was in my head - doing all she could to get my attention. She is not my friend. She is glass-half-empty Paula, and she is looking at 60 as an end rather than a beginning. I have approached every other decade with optimism for what’s in store - the start of a wonderful new chapter in life. But suddenly Doubting Paula reared her ugly head, and did her best to sell me a different script – one in which I must say goodbye to my pre-60 self. Doubting Paula tried to undo all of the positivity I have been focusing on these past weeks. And what’s worse, she made me cry. How dare she rain on my birthday parade. I picked up my walk pace and left that b*tch in the dust. Doubting Paula  is a total downer - she fills my head with thoughts of what I have not accomplished – she sees almost senior citizen Paula, not Super Adult Paula who is going to rock her 60’s with all she’s got. I may even throw myself a party – and guess who’s NOT getting an invitation!

Today’s 3-word wisdom: Ditch the doubters. Those (including the ones residing within your head) who cast a  gloomy shadow and project negativity along your path don’t belong in your life. Surround yourself with those who fill you with hope, optimism and love. Life is too special a gift - surround yourself with those worthy of sharing it with you.

Happy Birthday to me - 1956

3-Word Wisdom 22: Conquer a fear

In 2004, Hubby and I were selected to be contestants on “The Amazing Race - 7” – it was our fifteen milliseconds of fame. We had not auditioned. In fact, Hubby had never heard of the show. The casting director met us while we were participants in the Breast Cancer 3-Day, a 60 mile walk. It was a chance encounter – we were fellow walkers, and had enjoyed a couple of conversations together during our 60 mile journey. Apparently she was desperate to cast one last couple for their upcoming season, and we must have fit the “cute older couple” profile. We were offered the chance to head out in about two weeks, on a whirlwind world adventure, and would be gone for about forty days. Sadly, we had to decline the offer – Hubby had commitments that demanded his attention.

In watching the season’s episodes of “our” race, I imagined myself meeting the challenges of each week’s adventures. Would I have been able to rope a llama? Feed a lion? Could I muster the courage to zip-line across a gorge in the mountains of Peru?

Those of you who know me are already laughing. I am not a thrill-seeker. I avoid scary movies. During my skiing days, I was happiest on the beginner runs. When I travel, I am the one who actually checks the location the nearest emergency exit row. Some would call me a “fraidy cat” – I like to think of myself as sensible. Yet, as each stage of the Amazing Race challenged the contestants to some sort of physical or mental test, I found myself wanting to prove to myself that I could overcome a fear and face a challenge.

My personal Amazing Race moment occurred a couple of years later. I had always been uncomfortable with heights and had a dreadful fear of falling (ask Hubby about our honeymoon, and my panic attack when I thought our elevator was plummeting from the 28^th floor – it wasn’t, by the way!). The AR episode that had contestants zip-lining across the Huambutio Gorge in Peru looked incredible. I wanted to do that, and my opportunity came while we were in Maui. Zip line adventures were offered on the upcountry slopes of the Haleakala Crater. This was going to be my moment. Hubby and I signed the release, strapped on the harness and helmet and hiked into the jungle – and then I leapt off a platform and let myself fly across the canyon to the other side – five different times! It was indescribable, and there was such sublime satisfaction in facing a formerly unthinkable challenge – the empowerment was one of my life’s most liberating moments. I am still no thrill-seeker, but my zip line experience taught me that I can do something outside my personal comfort zone and be a stronger person as a result.

Today’s 3-Word Wisdom: Conquer a fear. Staying within your perceived safety zone all the time limits your potential, and cheats you out of opportunities that will enrich your life. Face your fear head on and imagine the satisfaction of taking control. You can do it!

Facing my fear of heights - from the edge of a rock!

She flies through the air....zip lining in Maui

3-Word Wisdom 21: Fill your dash

Today’s wisdom comes from an inspirational poem, The Dash, by Linda Ellis. I was not familiar with the poem when I first saw the phrase on the shirts worn by a team of fellow walkers at one of the 3-Day for the Cure breast cancer walks in which Hubby and I participate every year. Their shirts had the image of a beautiful young woman who had lost her battle with breast cancer. Her name, along with her birth and death years indicated that she was clearly gone too soon. The team’s name was “Filling our Dash”. Their message?  The dates representing the years you begin and end your earthly life are less significant than how you live the years within them – represented by the dash separating the two dates. It is how you fill your dash that defines the person you are.

Last April a special friend lost her four-year long battle with ovarian cancer. She had filled her dash raising two children who would become extraordinary adults. She welcomed her first grandchild the same year her cancer was diagnosed, and filled her dash with precious granddaughter time. She and her husband filled the dash between her chemo rounds with cruises and trips to reunite with long-lost family. Witnessing her strength in the face of death was both heartbreaking and inspirational. She was powerless over the outcome of her journey, but she took control of what she could. She planned her funeral service to the last detail – including the musical selections, the bible readings, and the guardian angel pins with a turquoise stone – symbolic of ovarian cancer awareness – that everyone would receive. In her final weeks she set in motion a complete kitchen remodel of her home, and while she did not live to see its completion, she attended to every last detail and finishing touch. To her, it needed to be done – she wanted her husband to have what he would need to be self-sufficient in her absence. She even instructed her daughter to make sure hubby knew the importance of correctly outfitting her beautiful stainless steel and granite designer kitchen with the proper accessories. Norma, your kitchen is a masterpiece and you are dearly missed – and you are my inspiration for filling one’s dash.

Today’s wisdom: Fill your dash. Life can be fleeting – don’t take it for granted. Live life to its fullest, make a difference, and consider the legacy of your life’s “dash”.

The Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning... to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth and spoke the following date with tears,

but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. (1934-1998)

For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth...

and now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we won; the cars...the house...the cash,

what matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.. are there things you'd like to change?

For you never know how much time is left, that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real,

and always try to understand the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more

and love the people in our lives like we've never done before.

If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile.

Remembering that this special dash might only last a while.

So, when your eulogy's being read with your life's actions to rehash...

would you be proud of the things they said about how you spent your dash?

by Linda Ellis

In loving memory of Norma 1953 - 2010

Norma and friends, walking to support ovarian cancer research, May 2009

Norma, her daughter and granddaughter
January, 2010

3-Word Wisdom 20: Act your age

"We don't stop playing because we get old; we get old because we stop playing!" George Bernard Shaw

Let’s face it. We are a culture of age profilers. Society has carefully marketed a range of socially acceptable behavior and age stereotypes. As parents, we prepared ourselves for the terrible twos, the inquisitive threes, and the social fours. We have been programmed to assume that teens are defiant and twenty-something’s are adventurous. The social expectations of the thirties are marriage and families, and by forty our course has been charted as we lay the groundwork to enjoy the good life in our fifties.

So what are the 60’s supposed to look like? Advertisers portray the decade as an all-out assault on the aging process. We buy sensible shoes. We have stylish disposable undergarment options, and stroll along beaches, remembering the good old days. Our silver hair and wise smiles represent our super adult status, and we receive kind and loving comments of how good we look – for our age – by our young friends. Well, advertisers, I am not drinking your kool-aid! If this is how I am supposed to act, then I am not playing. Yours is NOT my 60’s!

This baby-boomer and her friends are redefining the new and improved sixth decade. Mine includes all of the things I have always loved – “Opera Nights” with Hubby, celebrations with family and friends, and girls’ nights out dressed in strappy sandals and fun dresses. My 60’s will focus on healthy living in order to keep playing – for as long as I want! I have accepted my age, but I refuse give in to the stereotype.

Today’s 3-word wisdom – Act your age. Define each stage in your life by being true to yourself. Take responsibility for your actions and make good choices along your life’s journey. And if you want to play, then play! Treasure your health and enjoy the life you want – not the life you are expected to live.



Playing on the John Muir Trail

Playing on the beach in Maui

3-Word Wisdom 19: Have friends over

It’s Saturday evening and Hubby and I are home, alone. Daughter and boyfriend declined our invitation in favor of a dinner and movie date night. Son and fiancé also sent regrets and are home, enjoying their own quiet evening. Our sweet rescue Golden Retriever, Lucy, just ate the last of the grilled shrimp we had for dinner, and Hubby made a lovely fire to keep us warm as we await the arrival of a late winter storm. He’s controlling the remote and I am lingering over my laptop – searching for Wisdom. Tonight is a far cry from many weekend nights at our home.

Our house is get-together central. From carefully planned weddings and engagement parties to impromptu pot lucks and pizza parties, we love hosting a houseful of friends and family. It's in our genes. I recall the gatherings that my parents hosted - 4^th of July barbecues with barely legal fireworks, and the annual New Year’s Day Rose Bowl game/chili fest, with Dad’s incomparable recipe. Hubby’s parents also welcomed family for summer pool parties and Christmas Eve gatherings. During our parallel middle-class existence, growing up in the San Fernando Valley of the 60’s, a night out was a night in – surrounded with the people you cared the most about – sharing food, stories and inexpensive fun.

We had a lot of wonderful role models when it came to entertaining. Besides our parents, Brother and his wife were extraordinary hosts. Sister-in-law added delightful special touches to her events – her attention to detail was not lost in me – she was my Martha Stewart! When the family gathering baton was eventually passed to me, I knew I had huge shoes to fill. The pressure was on, and I went to great lengths to assure that my events had the same impact on my guests as the gatherings of my childhood had on me.

It took me several years to realize that I had totally missed the mark. Great gatherings are measured by the enjoyment of the guests – not the matching plates and napkins. And while my inner Martha finds personal satisfaction with my origami toilet paper folds (I am known for my extra rolls of TP, neatly displayed with a specially fan-folded first sheet!), our parties are memorable for the wonderful people they bring together – old and new friends, sharing food, music and conversation.

Today’s 3-word wisdom: Have friends over. It can be simple or elaborate, large or intimate. The menu can be gourmet, pot-luck or take-out. Bring the people you love together and make no apologies for your home or your mismatched dishes. A night with loved ones at home is an unforgettable experience.

I realize that not everyone possesses the entertainment gene – or the back yard that will accommodate up to one hundred guests! But I believe that there is an innate human desire to spend time in the company of others. Sharing time at home with any number of special family and friends is one of our favorite pastimes and is, hopefully, one of yours. Now get your party started - and be sure to invite us!

Wonderful backyard memories. S'mores and family - reunion 2008

Yes, I actually do fold my extra toilet paper this way!

3-Word Wisdom 18 - Dance with abandon

One of the joys of blogging has been the wonderful feedback I have received. Some of the most delightful comments have come from a high school acquaintance who, like me, is celebrating her Big 6-0 this month. She and I knew of each other in school, but she was among Hubby’s group – cool kids – and I was on the periphery with my small circle of bookish, geeky misfits. Our paths rarely crossed, and we may have never met again, but for the inception of social media. We are Facebook friends, and are facing 60 together as if we are one! We live hundreds of miles apart, and have not seen each other for over 40 years - yet she has extended a virtual hand and invited me to dance my way into the next decade. Each blog post has inspired a different song from the 60’s, and she shares it with me via Facebook. We're singing – and dancing – together!

I have always loved to dance. Not the ballet or tap lessons of my daughter’s childhood. My earliest dance instruction came from then teenage Sister. I was her dance partner as we watched Dick Clark’s American Bandstand in the late 50’s. I loved how she swung and twirled me to the innocent rock and roll tunes of the day. Mom and Dad did their part, and taught me the Charleston and Foxtrot – the dances of their youth. Our German friends introduced me to the polka and my college roommate and I spent every Thursday night at the local Greek restaurant to assemble for whatever the folk dance the instructor was offering that evening. Dancing has always made me happy – and Daughter, Nieces, friends and I have spent many a girl’s trip on any number of dance floors, moving to the music. Thankfully no cameras have recorded us – I hope!

Hubby and I still love to dance. We have been partners for so long that we know the subtle hold or hand grip that signals the flow from one step to the next. It’s not Dancing with the Stars, but it is ours. No one else exists when I am in Hubby’s arms, and when the occasional onlooker stops by to tell us how cute we are, I’m never quite sure if it’s meant a compliment!

Today’s 3-word wisdom: Dance with abandon. Let go of your inhibitions and let the music that you love inspire you. Grab a partner and dance in public - or dance alone in the privacy of your home. Feel the freedom of movement and forget your worries. I promise you that whatever your mood, dancing will make you happy! Teri, thank you for dancing with me to 60. I can't wait to see which tune you have selected for today!

Hubby and Daughter

Paula and Son

3-Word Wisdom 17: Count your blessings

It’s St. Patrick’s Day and, as they say, today we are all a little Irish. I looked for the proper Irish blessing befitting my blog about this journey toward 60. I found this one:

An Old Irish Blessing

May love and laughter light your days,

and warm your heart and home.

May good and faithful friends be yours,

wherever you may roam.

May peace and plenty bless your world

with joy that long endures.

May all life's passing seasons

bring the best to you and yours!

I have been blessed in my life’s passing seasons with such extraordinary family and friends, and I want to take today to say thank you for making life such a wonderful adventure!

May your blessings outnumber

The Shamrocks that grow

And may trouble avoid you

Wherever you go.

Paula and P3 celebrating in NYC, 2006

Sláinte!

3-Word Wisdom 16: Do the work

If life gave us do-over’s, I would have continued my piano lessons – and my cello lessons – and my guitar lessons! I am a music lesson drop-out. As a child, music practice was torture, and the beginner music selections were dreadful. I wanted to play the piano like my mother, who did not read music and simply kept a handwritten list of the song titles that were her repertoire.  In her youth, Mom also played the banjo in an all girl band – the Merry Melody Maids. Besides the piano, she would occasionally pick up a banjo or ukulele and strum some fun little ditties. It evoked scenes right out of the movie, “Some Like it Hot”! It was wonderful to hear Mom play. Music filled our house and Sunday dinners with Brother, Sister and their families were always punctuated with happy sing alongs. I didn’t have my mother’s musical ear, so I was relegated to tedious scales and boring lesson book tunes. It didn’t take long for the novelty to wear off, and piano lessons ended.

My next foray into music – a year and a half as a cellist - was not by choice. I had wanted to play the violin in our elementary school orchestra, but by the time they got to me, the only stringed instrument left in the music room closet was the cello. Mother assured me it was just like the violin, just bigger. My sister had played the cello, after all - I had to continue the family’s cello legacy. I remember lugging that clunky thing to and from school twice a week while my best friend easily toted her cute little violin case. Overweight Paula with her oversized violin! After one spring concert, I left the cello behind and had an instrument-free junior high school experience.

The folk music of the 60’s inspired me to take one more stab at finding my inner musician – I got a guitar. No lessons required. No music to read. Simply follow the patterns in a chord book. How hard could it be? I strummed along to Peter, Paul and Mary. I mastered the chords in Simon and Garfunkel’s songbook. But strumming chords had limitations, and before long I lost interest in yet another instrument.

Two good friends did not give up on their love of music – these two guitarists have music coursing through their veins. One of them just returned from New Zealand where he played to 15,000 fans – his guitar is his livelihood. I watch their fingers fly on acoustic and electric guitars, and I imagine myself making music of my own– if I had kept playing. For them, like my mom, the music comes from within – and with practice. I know that I lack the innate talent of true musicians, but in my do-over scenario, I will power through the necessary basics in order to take my music to a new level. I think I'll find a new instrument to play into retirement!

Today’s 3-word wisdom: Do the work. If you really want to master something, take the time to lay the groundwork. As tedious as the preparation may be, your reward will be the sweet music of a job well done.



Mom (on her banjo) with the Merry Melody Maids, 1925

Dad listening to Nieces and Nephew - Sunday night sing-along, 1965

Son entertains the crowd with Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater - at Grandma's piano - 1983.

Paula and Brother - dueling Ukeleles!

3-Word Wisdom 15: Save "stuff" wisely

In an earlier post, I encouraged letter writing – and letter saving- as an invaluable and memorable source of family history. Now it’s time to address the down side of my earlier wisdom. Mailing letters and keeping letters are two separate animals.

Let’s just say I am a keeper. I am the family’s designated keeper of stuff. I have drawers, chests, boxes and closets full of stuff. I assure you, I am nowhere near needing the help given to TV’s “Hoarders”, but I am guilty of hanging on to the flotsam and jetsam of  life’s special moments. One of my resolutions for this
Big 6-0 year is to clear out some of the stuff - but it’s not as simple as filling recycle bins and calling the Goodwill truck for a pick-up.

The stuff I refer to goes beyond the letters – way, way beyond! Samples of my kids’ school papers, projects and progress reports since pre-school. College textbooks and binders of class notes that hubby and I can’t seem to be able to part with. Newspapers from any number of momentous, life changing days in history. Boxes of photos and memorabilia that my family has entrusted to me (actually now that I think about it, I suspect they were simply getting rid of their “stuff”!). To some, it’s history. To others, it’s just clutter and closet filler. To me it is all priceless. Yet when all is said and done, is it the stuff or the memories associated with the stuff that I am hanging on to? If I let go of the tangibles, will those moments be lost?

The time has come for some tough “stuff” love - deciding what goes and what stays. My dilemma will be choosing what I unceremoniously relegate to the recycle and trash bins, and what will be passed on to the new stewards of the family history. It will be no easy task, and I suspect the “keep” pile will tower above the "send it on" and “toss it” collections. If any of my scrapbooking relatives read this, consider this a pitiful cry for help!

Today’s 3-Word Wisdom: Save “stuff” wisely. Treasure what’s important – learn what to keep, what to share, and what to let go of.  Savor life’s events as precious memories - be selective with the keepsakes and learn to keep only the truly significant memorabilia - your family will thank you.  Craigslist, here I come!

3-Word Wisdom 14: Know your limits

Daylight Savings Time went into effect yesterday, and I am cranky – I lost an hour this weekend. I am not a fan of this time change – at least not for the first week, when I struggle to reset my biological clock each morning.

As for today’s wisdom, I have none – and I thought I might get away with blaming it on the loss of the “spring forward” hour. Instead I realize that the stories I am sharing are not as simple to put into words as I thought they might be. I have several drafts of wisdom in the works, but today the words did not flow, and I was not prepared to post something that I wasn’t proud of. I was struggling with my 30-in-30 challenge, and my decision was to acknowledge my impasse.

My default 3-Word Wisdom: Know your limits. Be honest with yourself when you reach a point at which you have stretched yourself thin. Take time to regroup. I am going to take a few deep breaths and step away. I’m going to bed now – still trying to find that lost hour!

3-Word Wisdom 13: Call your mother

As much as I loved both of my parents, my mother was probably the one person who made the biggest impact on my life. Her influence was not the result of an overbearing presence. There were no lectures. I don’t remember a cross word or unkind comment. She was friendly, tolerant, and intelligent - and she had a wicked sense of humor. Mom’s love was unconditional, and she and Dad always trusted me to make the right decision. As a teenager, my biggest deterrent to the temptation of “breaking the rules” was not the fear of making my parents mad – much worse was the thought of letting my parents down. As an adult, when faced with a difficult decision, I often asked myself, “What would Mom have done?”

Mom was considerably older than my friend's mothers, and I went through a period during my early childhood when I was ashamed of my parent's gray hair and seniority compared to my classmates. Children can be cruel, and I was embarrassed when kids would call my parents old - or shopkeepers would address them as my grandparents. I adored Mother and Daddy, and was conflicted with the love I felt for them, and my secret desire for them to be younger. Thankfully this period was not long-lived, and some of the tales became the stuff of funny family lore in later years. Yet, as a young adult, their advanced age had a more profound impact on me - when I faced the reality of their mortality - and realized that they would likely not live to see my young family grow.

I was in my early thirties when Mom died. I was not ready for her to go. We thought she was in the hospital to be healed, yet she never came home. I visited her on the day that was to be her last – yet I didn’t know that the casual peck on the cheek was going to my final kiss goodbye. I had so much more to learn from her - so much to thank her for. The first few years she was gone were the most difficult, and more than once – when I had great news to share – my first instinct was to call Mom. Her absence from my life left a huge void. Mom has been gone for 26 years, and I still miss her. Yet she is always with me, as I continue to reflect upon her as my model of a truly beautiful person.

Today’s 3-Word Wisdom: Call your mother. If you are fortunate to still have your mom in your life, make time to let her know you care. Savor the time you have with her and show your appreciation for the lessons she has taught you. To my dear nieces and friends who also lost their mothers too soon, I can never replace her, but will always be here to offer “motherly” advice. That’s what Mom would have done.

Dad, Paula and Mom, 1955

I love you , Mom. Frances Maxwell Coats Preston
1908 - 1984

3-Word Wisdom 12: Enjoy fabulous footwear

It's time for some silly wisdom, and a confession. I love shoes. Not the Sex and the City variety Jimmy Choo’s – too pricey! I’m a Designer Shoe Warehouse kinda gal. Hubby doesn’t get it. Why on earth would one person need so many pairs? It’s simple, really. Shoes fit – even when my skinny jeans don’t. And while they don’t always make my feet happy, the perfect heels matched with the right dress makes any temporary foot discomfort bearable. Any shoe worshiper understands this love-hate relationship. Everyone else may as well stop reading further.

Hubby has called me Imelda for years – a reference to the former Philippines First Lady, Imelda Marcos, whose 3000 pairs of footwear is worthy of a museum! While my collection is nowhere near Imelda’s, I must confess that I can’t travel without a variety of footwear for every conceivable activity and outing. Hubby, however, packs the simple trinity – Tennis/Sandal/Golf shoes. His closet shoe racks easily contain his brown-and-black/dress-and-casual collection. My shoe wardrobe runneth over, even though I have pledged to say goodbye to one old pair for every new addition to the collection. My dilemma lately has been my lack of opportunity to don an adorable mule or strappy sandal – I work from home in my sweats!

In super adulthood, the conventional wisdom of footwear is to be sensible – this is one rule that I refuse to follow. I am going to make room in my closet for fabulous shoes of all colors and styles. Out with the business shoes, in with the party pumps! The shoes of my 60’s are going to be sensational!

Great-niece has the right idea!

3-Word Wisdom 11: Prepare for emergencies

The early reports and video footage from Japan’s catastrophic earthquake and tsunami are horrific beyond words. I have been glued to the news all morning, unable to turn away from the images of nature’s fury, and imagining the terror its victims must feel. As Japan and the world deal with the aftermath of the devastation, my musings about turning 60 are now even less significant. Please know that my prayers are with those who have suffered tremendous loss. I hope my posts can serve as a simple diversion from the news of human suffering.

Waking up to the news this morning of Japan’s 8.9 earthquake brought me back to my earthquake experiences. In 1971, I lived close enough to the epicenter of the Sylmar quake to be tossed from my bed, momentarily unable to get out of my room, and finally escaping to huddle in a doorway with my mother -frightened by the indescribable roar of the undulating earth under our feet, and the crashing of our household breakables. It was the most terrifying minute of my life.

Twenty-three years later, we comforted our children as the earth again shook violently during the Northridge quake. We were farther away from ground zero by about 20 miles, yet I recall doing an instantaneous  internal calibration of sorts – upon being awakened from a sound sleep by the thunderous noise and our bed suddenly being jerked back and forth…”Earthquake!...strong one!…is it the Big One?...no, not as bad as ’71…we will be okay....get to the kids!!!...grab the flashlight and battery operated radio…where was it centered? Is the rest of the family okay?”  Experiencing a small earthquake is a novelty, but experiencing the terror of a strong quake will give you a completely different perspective. I do not recommend it to anyone!

Considering my personal experience, one would assume I am prepared for the next big earthquake. Sadly, the time between natural disasters lulls us into a false sense of security, and our earthquake preparedness kits get tucked back into the recesses of the garage – surplus batteries dead, canned food outdated, supplies depleted when we seized a gallon of water instead of making a trip to the store. Daughter is our model of “Be Prepared” wisdom. She oversees the emergency response plan for her company, her earthquake kit is fresh, and she has given each of our family members a laminated copy of our Family Emergency Plan – who we call – where we meet – and everyone’s contact information. Every family needs my daughter and her diligence to keep them prepared!

Today’s 3-Word Wisdom: Plan for emergencies. Yours many not be earthquake related, but every family would benefit by having an emergency plan. Take the time to complete one and pray that you will never have to put it into action. I’m off to the store now – for batteries and water!

3-Word Wisdom 10: Parent with patience

We have two wonderful children. Son and Daughter live nearby and we see each other regularly. Son is engaged to a beautiful young woman and Daughter is in a relationship with a charming young man. Hubby and I are so proud of the adults they have become. No pressure here, kids, but I am looking forward to your future thank you gift to me – grandchildren!

As new parents, we mapped out a well charted course for our children’s upbringing. We were well read on the subject of childrearing, and were naïve enough to believe that our knowledge and nurturing would lead to a conflict-free parent/child dynamic. It was going to be easy, we were prepared – and we would show everyone how to be model parents. Ha!

Okay, you can stop laughing. As most of you know, nothing can truly prepare you for parenting – and as important as nurturing is, the undeniable variable in the equation is Nature! Children come to you pre-wired. As parents, you must understand how your child is genetically programmed and adjust your parenting accordingly. For instance, Son was a fearless thrill-seeker. No fence was too high, no water too deep. An unattended moment in the back yard could result with him scaling the fence to climb onto the roof – at four years old! Daughter, on the other hand, once stood outside - pitifully drenched by a sudden cloudburst – and would not cross our quiet cul-de-sac street alone until we waded through the puddles to hold her hand. Two kids. Same parents. Identical parenting philosophies – and exasperatingly different wiring! To say raising children is a challenge is an understatement. To those fortunate few with the enviable combination of childrearing expertise and “easy” kids, this point may be lost on you.

My 3-Word Wisdom: Parent with Patience. Your role as mother and father will test your will. Accept that fact and be willing to deal with the unexpected. Parenting is your biggest responsibility, and the adults your children become will be your reward for your perseverance - that, and grandchildren!

Paula, son's fiance, son, Hubby, Lucy and daughter.

3-Word Wisdom 9: Show you care

The Big 6-0 is just 21 days away. Three weeks from today I will say goodbye to one decade and move into the next – one age bracket box closer to the bottom on the demographic survey. Ouch! My “30 posts in 30 days” challenge has eased this transition by unleashing my inner writer. Hubby has adjusted to our evenings – him and the TV remote – me and my laptop! Thank you to those who have been following my blog. Your comments and support have been truly gratifying.

Today’s post is short yet important. As easy as it is to get consumed in our daily routines, for me, the most satisfying are those days when I have made a difference in another’s life. These are not life-altering moments, but simple acts of kindness and compassion that in some way lift spirits or bring comfort. Yet as simple as it can be to make a difference, the opportunities are often overlooked or dismissed.

Today’s 3-Word Wisdom: Show you care. Make time in your busy day to lift the spirits of someone else. Bring flowers to someone to brighten their day. Take a homebound relative to lunch. Send a “just because” card or letter. Allow the frazzled mother of three to go ahead of you in the grocery line. It takes just a few moments of your hectic day to show you care – and the happiness you bring the recipient is more than worth the investment. How will you make a difference today?

3-Word Wisdom 8: You are beautiful

I owe today’s wisdom to a  special friend who shared a recent experience….a post-it note, randomly affixed to a box of pasta at a local market, caught her eye in its unlikely placement. Curious, she stopped to read the hand-written message – it said, “You look GREAT today!” along with a website reference, operationbeautiful.com. Her experience compelled me to visit the website and read their mission:  “The goal of the Operation Beautiful website is to end negative self-talk or ‘Fat Talk’.  If this little blog only does one productive thing, I hope it helps readers realize how truly toxic negative self-talk is - it hurts you emotionally, spiritually, and physically”. How do they accomplish their mission? The simple answer is in their slogan - “Transforming the way you see yourself, one post-it at a time.” How powerful. Sign me up!

I have struggled with weight and body image issues since early childhood. After my customary baby-boomer tonsillectomy, sickly little Paula’s health gradually improved – as did my appetite! By age 10, I was “pleasantly plump,” my weight-obsessed aunts would tell me.  

I vividly recall the first sting of pain and humiliation I felt when a boy called me “fatty” in front of our entire 5^th grade class. I dealt with the pain by eating – and keeping to myself – which thereby perpetuated my feeling of self-loathing. I cringed with embarrassment when my mom took me school shopping in the boldly marked “Chubby” section - a moniker I despised - at the Lane Bryant store. I was mortified - and fearful that someone who knew me might walk past the store and see me in the fat girls department. That label haunted me as a child. I spent my junior high and early high school years in the company of the small group of classmates who accepted me in all of my pudgy glory. Age, activity, and my first self-imposed diet (Instant Breakfast and Slim Fast ) eventually whittled off the extra pounds. By my senior year I was at a socially acceptable weight, but I continued to see myself through that “fat lens” into adulthood.

All these years later, I still deal with weight and self-image issues. For years I yo-yo dieted, and in my 30’s I reduced myself into early-onset menopause and near anorexia – yet I never saw myself as thin enough. Thankfully, Hubby did. He has always been my very own “operation beautiful” advocate, and has helped me overcome the occasional negativity that still creeps into my conversations with myself.  I have a much healthier relationship with food now – yet the memory of those hurtful comments and the subsequent negative body image issues still linger. It is an ongoing struggle – yet one that I am committed to overcoming. Tomorrow I'm getting a supply of pretty post-its to start spreading the Operation Beautiful love – and maybe attaching a couple on my own mirror!

Today’s 3-Word Wisdom: You are beautiful. You are perfect just the way you are. Love your lines, your hips, your breasts, your belly. Love yourself. Focus on healthy habits and devote your life to being happy in your own skin. You look GREAT today!

Post-it reads, "You are beautiful just the way you are." Operation Beautiful in action.
Thank you, MCF!